Let’s be real, talking about estate planning with your parents can be…awkward. But it’s also super important. You want to make sure they’re taken care of and that their wishes are honored, right? So, how do you navigate this tricky topic? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here’s a down-to-earth guide to help your parents with their estate plan:

First things first: Family Huddle!

One of the biggest problems I see with estate issues is when family members feel blindsided. So, gather the troops! Obviously, your parents need to be front and center, but if possible, get your siblings in on the conversation too. Laying all the cards on the table early on can prevent a ton of drama later.

Common Pitfall: Estate plans can be challenged based on “undue influence.” Family members who are not a part of the planning discussion may feel they were cut out, or treated unfairly, and may lay blame on the one who assisted with the planning. Including your siblings in the conversation can help avoid this catastrophe. 

 

Your Parents Need to Lead the Way

I often chat with adult children who want to set up estate plans for their parents. And while it’s awesome that you want to help, remember this: the core conversation needs to happen directly between the attorney and your parents. 

They’re the clients, and they need to be the ones making the decisions. Also, they’ve got to be mentally sharp enough to understand what they’re signing. I know, it sounds harsh, but if there’s any doubt about their capacity, things get really complicated, really fast. Trust me, you want to avoid that.

Common Pitfall: Estate plans are also challenged based on lack of capacity. Evidence that a person was not competent at the time they made the decisions about their estate plan can lead to costly court cases, which could result in wiping out the estate plan completely. Allowing neutral parties to determine your parents are of sound mind at the time they sign their estate planning documents is the best way to avoid these challenges. 

On more than one occasion, I have had to ask family members to step out of our conference room so I can speak to their parents about their wishes and determine their capacity to make an estate plan. On more than one occasion, my prospective clients have told me they feel they are uncomfortable with the process, or are feeling pressured into making decisions they were not comfortable making. When helping your parents, or any relative, with estate planning, approach the conversation with empathy and respect. Don’t pressure them, rather, offer guidance, share helpful information and let them know you are there to support them at their own pace. 

 

Respect Their Choices (Even if You Don’t Like Them)

You can’t force your parents to do anything. It’s their life, their assets, and their decisions. If they decide not to create an estate plan, even after you’ve shared your concerns, well, that’s their prerogative. You’ve done what you can.

 

Call in the Pros

These conversations can be tough, but they’re so worth it for everyone’s peace of mind. By gently guiding your parents, making sure their documents are up to date, and getting help from an experienced estate planning attorney, you’re helping them make choices that reflect what they truly want. At the end of the day, estate planning is about more than just money—it’s about making sure your parents’ values and intentions are respected, now and down the road.